dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
