it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
