Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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