Umm I'm too high to move.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
