It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
