I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
