so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
