Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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