Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
