What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
