Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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