You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize
