I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I licked your asshole in confidence.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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