the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
