This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
