Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
