I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
