Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
