literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
