You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
