i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
