Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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