I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
