You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
