me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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