Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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