I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
