Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
a search helicopter?!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
