I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize