It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize