need another drink. this is the easiest way
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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