i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
