rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
