It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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