I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize