tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
