in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
