I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
