I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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