i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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