So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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