You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
