evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize