Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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