Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
