why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
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