The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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