sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
