I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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