I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
