apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
