i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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