Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
