That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just want to make out with him forever
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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