I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
