the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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