my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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