And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She bit a glass in half.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
