I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
