when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
