My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
