hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Someone signed my nipple.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
