i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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