I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
