all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
