and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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