Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
