4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
