If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
