sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
