she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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